Oh no, you didn’t! 5 ways travelers have lost their manners

They’re loud. They smell bad. And their clothes would make Mr. Blackwell blush.

What is it about travel that makes people jettison their manners?

Whether it’s the Ugly American or the Entitled Elite, travel has no shortage of unflattering stereotypes. They’ve always been with us. They’ll always be with us. But are their numbers growing?

Hard to say. When it comes to air travel, it’s difficult to tell whether unruly passenger incidents are on the rise. Both the Transportation Security Administration and the Federal Aviation Administration keep records on aircraft incidents, but they’re just the cases they’ve acted on, and don’t necessarily reflect any trends. Same for hotel and cruise incidents. There are no reliable statistics.

But the anecdotes. Oh, the anecdotes!

You name it, chances are, it’s happened. Passengers hitting flight attendants? Check. Flight attendants fighting back? Roger. Bad hotel guests? Yep. Really bad hotel guests? But of course.

Then there’s Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who jumped out of a parked plane after getting into an altercation with a passenger. That story, it seems, has everyone talking about our loss of civility in air travel.

An online poll of my 14,000-member travel panel suggests people are getting ruder on the road. Seven out of ten respondents said travelers were behaving worse. One-quarter of travelers said the behavior was “about the same” while only a fraction of respondents — roughly 2 percent — said people were behaving better.

But let’s break it down. How, exactly, are travelers misbehaving? And what can be done about it?

What happens here, stays here

That’s not just a cute advertising slogan used by Sin City. It apparently applies to almost any travel experience, anywhere — but thanks, Vegas, for the help.

Pam Evans, who works for a plumbing company in Norwalk, Conn., watched in horror as one of her friends turned into an Ugly American on a visit to Europe. “She was rude and never said ‘thank you’ to anyone,” she says. A second friend, also on a trip to Europe, dressed like a gang member. “I was embarrassed by their behavior,” she says.
Phrases like, “What happens here, stays here,” while catchy, tend to give travelers a license to let it all hang out while they’re away. And that can easily morph into rudeness.

The fix: Although there’s always been a natural tendency to take certain liberties when you’re away, I think destinations can help by not encouraging their visitors to be whoever they feel like being. Slogans like “Come as you are” and “Always turned on” don’t engender good behavior now, do they?

You stink

One of the most common complaints I get about inconsiderate travelers is the way they smell. Apparently, this extends far beyond your aunt’s God-given right to douse herself with Gardenia perfume, pre-flight.

Travelers gripe about stale tobacco smells, body odors, aftershave and spicy food prepared with an abundance of onion and garlic. “I think everyone should have to pass a stink test,” says Liz Zollner, a college instructor from Tampa, Fla. “If they don’t, they can’t board until they sanitize themselves. I’m not kidding around.”
Make no mistake, we’re not talking about a little whiff of something unpleasant. Take the issue of smoking in a hotel room. That can seriously affect the next guest — which could be you.

The fix: You’d think the TSA’s liquid and gel ban would at least put a lid on this problem. But no. I think perfumes and colognes should come with warning labels to use them responsibly in public places. But short of that, you can always turn to your seatmate and say, “You smell.” How’s that for rude?

Are those your pajamas?

I’ve never been a big supporter of dress codes, but enough is enough. I’ve seen too many passengers and hotel guests that look like they live under a bridge.

Anne Sweeney remembers the way passengers used to dress when they flew. “They were classy,” says the former Pan Am flight attendant. “They dressed up, people were courteous and well-groomed.

Deregulation lowered fares and made travel more accessible, but now the barbarians are at the gate.” A few years ago, Southwest Airlines got my hopes up when it suggested it had a dress code, but it turns out it didn’t. Oh well.

The fix: A dress code may be too much, but how about minimum dress requirements? You see them in restaurants — “No Shoes. No Shirt. No Service.” Why not on planes, hotels and ships?

Totally clueless

There’s a whole subset of travelers whose behavior is offensive because they don’t prepare. They act as if they’re still at home.
“They are the goofballs who have a roller bag, carry-on, oversize purse slung over their shoulder, and a cup of coffee,” says Greg Nieberding, a Dallas entrepreneur. “They bang into everyone already seated on the aisles. No ‘excuse me’ or apology. Then they look all hurt if you won’t help them put their 40-pound bag into the overhead.”

But is cluelessness always obnoxious? No, not always. When kids are clueless (“What state are we in?”) it can be cute. When an adult asks what state you’re in — not so much.

The fix: There are any number of terrific guidebooks and Web sites that are a guaranteed fix to the cluelessness. Try ‘em.

Show a little respect

Self-centeredness has been with us since there have been airplanes. And cruise ships. And hotels. And yes, people. Maybe more travelers are complaining about the selfish behavior of their fellow travelers. Then again, it could just be the times we’re living in. Every man for himself. I though we got over that in the ’80s.

Jeanette Matlock, who works for an information systems company in Oldsmar, Fla., remembers the last resort hotel she stayed in. A large sign asked guests to observe “quiet time” from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. “Some people let their kids and teens run loose in hotels like it was some kind of personal playground,” she says.

I had a similar experience at a Florida hotel a few weeks ago. Our neighbors decided to throw a party at 11 p.m. I heard their teen-agers giggling and hooting into the early morning hours. That was no fun.

The fix: Respect is something taught by parents and reinforced in school. If our kids are flouting the rules, guess who is to blame?

I admit that these five ways travelers are misbehaving only scratches the surface of a problem that afflicts society, not just people who are on the road. You don’t have to get out much to know that travelers are often self-centered, clueless, offensive and that they dress badly.

The solutions, while obvious, remain elusive.

(Photo: Happy/Flickr Creative Commons)

  • MarkieA

    I doubt that this is a case of TRAVELERS becoming ruder; it’s more a case of people in general becoming ruder. Common courtesy ain’t so common these days.

  • Tom

    How about columnists and posters who flame people online in a way they would never flame them face to face? Easy to whine online about somebody’s perfume or choice of pants, another thing to bring it up to them personally at the airport. Not sure whether saying things online that you wouldn’t say face to face is rude, but it’s at least cowardly.

  • Raven

    Don’t forget the people who think they are entitled to special treatment because they’re traveling with children.

    1. No. I won’t give up my seat so you can sit next to your kid.
    2. No. I won’t let your child use my laptop to watch a move. (REALLY? Asking a stranger this???)
    3. No. I won’t help you carry that car seat on the plane.
    4. No. I won’t help you store all those bags you shouldn’t even be allowed to carry on the plane because you kid just had a super-special week at Disney.
    5. No. You cannot use MY TRAY TABLE to change your baby.
    6. No. Airplane bathrooms do not have changing tables but you are not using my seat, either.

    Oh, and to the woman who whined that she “was a single mother traveling alone” as part of her plea to get me to carry her car seat for her…being a single mother seems to be a choice these days. Don’t use your decision as a ploy for help.

    /rant

  • http://www.sanibel-rentals.net Sylvia

    Nice blog, Chris.

    I can feel the anger and I share it.

    But in addition questioning the decorum of dress (and boy, do folks look sloppy these days), there is also the issue of safety. God forbid if there were trouble and people had to move quickly or disembark on rough ground, those flip flops are going to provide very little protection. While women in high heels years ago were courting disaster, the flimsy stuff being worn now will be just as perilous in certain instances.

    That is something the airlines need to address!

  • Jaime

    I have not had much of an issue with rude travelers (although I deal with rude people in general on a daily basis at work), but on an overseas flight last year, there was a gentleman in the seat in front of me who either had not recently washed, or he was of the naturally, um, fragrant sort. Every time the attendant walked past us towards the back of the plane, the breeze of her passage blew his BO right into my face, and the flight was 10 hours long. I understand that sometimes there are crazy delays that prevent people from washing up for longer than they would like, but even a swipe of deodorant would have made the smell a little less rank in such a confined space for so long!

  • http://www.all-about-guatemala.com/bc Benjamin Barnett

    Good points!

    And by the way, put the font back the way it was, please! (unless it’s just my computer for some reason).

  • Ames

    It’s not just travelers, it is too many people in general. I put on a dress – very plain and of a material that could go into the washer – and was over dressed at a local restaurant. If the meal is going to be $50 a person, maybe it is time to change out of a tee-shirt with a sports team logo on it at home or away.

  • Cynthia

    Chris . . . as MarkieA said, people in general are becoming much more rude and inconsiderate. I truly miss the era in which I grew up (60′s, 70′s) as time has passed since then I’ve witnessed what seems to be a devolution in manners and behavior in society at large. I am not sure why that is, but it is certain that as more and more people have filled our cities and our modes of transportation the pressures have gone up as well. Add to that the increasingly accelerated pace most of us move to now and all the multi-tasking (doing nothing well) and we have a recipe for angst, anger, and disaster.

    It would do us all a world of good to slow down, breathe, and live with awareness.

  • BucksterSF

    I am so incredibly sad that we even have to have this discussion. Has the American public rolled that far down into the gutter? Apparently we have.

  • jdrak

    Isn’t this a rerun? I’m sure I read it elsewhere.

    I wonder how much the difficulties travelers encounter through lousy airline policies contribute to poor behavior. If I had to put up with some of the treatment described on your site, I might be a bit short-tempered myself.

    (I’m with Benjamin on the font.)

  • KD

    Some of the things you put on your list show how people have become less helpful or considerate. No, I would never ask you if I can change my child or use your laptop, but I may ask you if i can sit next to my child as a courtesy to YOU as no one should have to deal with my children but me or my husband and having travelled with car seats by myself, I may ask a stranger for a hand if I am overwhelmed, just as I would assist someone if they were overwhelmed for any reason.
    As for single motherhood being a choice, you make some big assumptions there. I was essentially a “single” parent of four children for most of three years while my husband served overseas, he only had five months where we were together during that time, he was in Iraq the rest of the time. I had to travel, grocery shop, etc by myself during this time and was always grateful to those who helped me out. Other mothers may have lost their spouses or are divorced, which is also not always a choice.
    I will remind you though that if you refuse to allow a parent to sit with their child, you cannot later complain about the child’s behavior irritating you. You were given the option to move and have refused and must then deal with the consequences.

  • larry

    “What is it about travel that makes people jettison their manners?” It has nothing to do with travel. This stuff happens in all types of businesses. Don’t believe me? Then go to work at ANY convenience store or other retail business. The difference is that today, these folks that have been causing problems in other arenas can now afford to fly, so they take their lifelong behavior problems with them. By the way, most retailers I know keep cans of spray deodoriser on a shelf under the cash registers to quickly get rid of the BO left lingering by the last customer. Not doing this makes the next customer think your the one with the problem.

  • Christopher Elliott

    @jdrak yes, it is. This column originally appeared on MSNBC.com. I republish the stories on my site a few weeks later.

  • Les

    I second @ravel’s rant!

    The very first travel experience we had with truly rude, brassy slobs involved NOT Americans but Brits. In this case a couple who’d spent a week on one of the Greek Agean islands had decided not to bother changing from the beach for their flight home. Perhaps the intent was to extend that vacation feeling a little longer but the sloppy outfits coupled with a braying, nasal version of the (usually pleasing) English accent provided us with evidence that not all ugly travelers are Yanks. The year was 1969.

  • Les

    *correction – that was @raven!

  • O. Berkeley

    re: dealing with obnoxious smells.

    On a flight from LAX to Auckland (13 hours), I had a man near me that smelled as if he hadn’t bathe in a very, very long time. The odor was making me gag. I pulled out my perfume and placed a tiny, tiny dab of it just under my nose. It worked very well.

    I think that pathologists do something similar, although with Vicks Vaporub.

  • cma

    No, sorry. I’m not going to not wear comfortable shoes on a plane just on the off chance there’s some kind of plane crash. I’m sure steel-toed boots would protect me better, but I’m willing to take the risk. If I’m crammed in a coach seat for 6 hours, am I not entitled at least to wear comfortable clothes?

  • Raven

    @KD:
    I will not give up an aisle seat so a parent can sit with their child. It is THEIR problem, not mine. Too often parents assume that I should trade my aisle for their middle. No. Aisle for aisle is the only swap I will make. I’m not giving up a good seat because a parent didn’t have the foresight to book seats together or to book a seat someone would want to trade.

    The single mothers who play that card are ALWAYS ones who are single by choice. Or, at least the ones I’ve dealt with in my travels have been.

  • CHRISTAIN

    Sorry but I don’t buy it. In my travels I have run across rude folks from too many different countries to say anything but rude people are just rude in any language. I also have run across way to many PC police who feel it is their god given right to complain about others behavior. I sat next to a man on a flight once that from all appearance looked homeless.
    Dirty clothes, bad hair and in need of a shave and shower. Turns out he had been in a car wreck while on vacation and just wanted to get home. He had come to the airport right from the hospital after losing everything except the clothes on his back. He was interesting and articulate who made the flight go quickly.

  • Eric

    I always cringe when I see people wearing flip-flops/sandals in airports and airplanes. Just imagine the nasty floor the walked across when they had to remove their shoes for the x-ray… yuck!!!

  • CPP

    @Raven: Wow. that’s all I can say. “The single mothers who play that card are ALWAYS single by choice?” Given your attitude, I would be surprised if you ever obtained that information from them….doesn’t really sound like you take time to have conversations with them. Wow.

    Comfortable Shoes: In an emergency, say having to jump into the chute, I believe you are told to take your shoes OFF – especially if you are wearing heels.
    No way am I wearing heels for the 1/2 mile walk from parking to the gate, or the 60 minute standing in line at security.
    Comfortable Clothes: Agreed, CMA. Why would I wear “nice” clothes while crammed into an economy seat for 2 hours, let alone the 9 or 10 or more it can take heading to international destinations, or trips that involve a 5 hour layover in a crowded airport….I don’t wear beachwear, and actually don’t wear sweats either, but I do wear comfortable pants or shorts or jeans, and a loose and comfortable top, and flip flops or flats. To heck with matching that image of the flying family in the 60′s, wearing a dress, gloves, hat, heels and pearls. That’s just not going to happen any more. (speaking as a leisure traveler, not traveling on business)

  • Mary Graham

    Maybe traveling in general has become so awful and stressful that people temporarily lose their minds? Hmmmm, that’s probably at least half of it.

  • Cory J.

    I’m not quite sure about the can-I-sit-with-my-child thing… If the child is young and restless, then I would probably move. I don’t want to sit with that next to me for the entire flight. What bugs me is when an entire family of five wants to sit together and think that everyone should move to accommodate them. Sorry, quit being so cheap and pay for seats when you book your ticket; check in online 24 hours in advance for your best possible choice; or show up at the airport earlier. I’ve checked in online or paid for my seat, depending on the flight duration. I try to be as organized as possible (A-type, yep!), not show up late and hope for the best. If I did show up late or didn’t pay for a seat, then I’m stuck with what I can get, and it’s happened before when I’ve travelled with my family. I’m also one of those parents who didn’t let their children run the family, there was a head-of-household parent and they knew to behave. They never ran around using the airplane as their own playground, with oblivious ignorant parents sitting in their own little world ignoring their screaming children.

    As for the single-mother card, no dice. I’ve travelled as a single parent with my children before. There are a few ground rules, especially when it comes to what’s being carried on board, and keeping my hands as free as possible was the number one rule. A small backback on each kid with their own inflight entertainment (books, coloring/crayons, snacks, etc.) that they were responsible for. No extra carry-on crap, no extra useless stuff, pack light!

  • Wrona

    @CRP, in emergency you only take off your shoes if you have on heels. They want you to keep your shoes on if at all possible in case you have to run away from the slide, run through debris, etc. I have a pair of comfortable, slip on, walking shoes that I always were when flying. That way I’m comfortable, they are easy to get on and off for security, but if the unthinkable should happen my feet are protected – also if I have a tight connection, it’s easier to run for it than if I were wearing flip flops.

  • EllenB

    On the other hand, a little politeness and respectfulness can go a long way! My family and I just returned from a trip to Anchorage, where we’d arrived far too  early at our hotel, and I explained to the desk personnel that I fully expected us to have to wait to check in, and that was perfectly fine. The young lady said, “Oh, I think I have a room for you” and upgraded us for free to one of their best suites, immediately available. It was a great lesson for my children that courtesy can sometimes be rewarded.

  • Rachel

    I hardly see the effect that someone wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt on anyone else on that flight. If they’re smelly or rude, that’s one thing, but that has nothing to do with casual clothing/footwear. Get off your high horses, people!

  • barbie45

    Raven I agree with you about demanding parents on planes. However single women with children could be widowed,divorced, or any number of other reasons. We all should just all stop being so politically correct.

  • Raven

    @Barbie45
    I realize that, but the one I dealt with last week was plying the card so hard to try and get someone to “assist” her, it was ridiculous. She was also the one who asked if her son could use my laptop to watch a DVD. You know, because it’s totally normal to expect someone you don’t know who is working on a presentation to drop everything to cater to your kid.

  • Carver

    @Raven

    Asking a stranger to use their laptop so her son could watch a DVD is so far over the top that I just have to assume that the issue isn’t that this mother wants special treatment for her kid(s), but rather lives life through a completely self-centered world view and this is just one manifestation.

    I doubt if most parents would make such a request, regardless of the circumstances.

    @Rachel

    I agree, who cares what others are wearing. How does it affect me. I’ve got better things to do than be the clothing police for perfect strangers.

  • noah

    I don’t think the problem is that people are more rude. I think the problem is that people are just more sensitive to it now.

    As for the clothing, people made the same complaints about appearance when men stopped wearing ties everywhere and when all people stopped wearing hats any time they were outside. The “too casual” complaints are nothing more than fear of change. If I can’t wear flip-flops or sweats because they bother you, then why can’t I, for example, demand that you not wear an oxford shirt because it bothers me? Too quote aspiring basketball player Rod Benson, “If you can call me tall, I can call you fat.”

  • Pplaresilly

    Look this is America, freedom of choice when allowed (smile) I stated a few articles back on this subject, I believe the article was on wearing a tie and dressing to the nines NOT!!! When traveling on vacation I dress as on vacation and that includes FLIPFLOPS and shorts and whatever silly t-shirt I want to wear. Your on a cramped, tight plane with some kid kicking the back of your seat and some obese person squeezing you and some other person that has an obession with the bathroom- GIVE ME A BREAK!!! Let me atleast sit in wash and wear clothing looking at my perfect pedicure while minding my own freakin business – leave the dressing up to the flight attendants who secretly wish they could dress down because I am sure they get more than a little annoyed with all the RUDE and disgusting attitudes they have to deal with…and besides my flipflops always match my jorts and (I will stabe you in the eyeball if you look at me wrong) t-shirt.

    People are silly.

  • Sarah Di

    Someone seriously asked to use your laptop?! I get parents needing a little extra help now and then, but that’s just plain out of line. At some point, the responsibility falls on the parent to provide entertainment, ensure seats together and manage carryons so that they can be easily brought onboard.

    My personal annoyance with rude people on planes is those who don’t respect the little amount of personal space that we get. This is my space this is your space. No part of your body should be in my space and that includes your foot on the back of my seat.

  • Steve

    I’m amazed that with all of the reasons to complain about the experience of flying these days, people actually have the energy to notice that – gasp! – other travelers are dressed casually. I certainly understand why people are offended by body odor, clothing that shows too much skin, or anything truly offensive, but I’m not talking about that. I’m saying: how does it affect you if someone else chooses to fly in, say, a clean T-shirt and sweatpants?

    As for the trading-seats-for-families issue, I agree with the poster who said it comes down to an equal trade. I’m not going to trade a window or an aisle seat for a middle seat – it’s just not going to happen. If you propose an equal trade, then I’ll be happy to do it.

  • Jennifer

    I have run into entitled people everywhere, not just on flights. I think it’s compounded on an airplane because there simply is no escape. Once, I dealt with a passenger of size, B.O., and a mother changing dirty diaper on her tray table on the same flight. In fact, it was the same person on a 5 1/2 hour transcon. I wondered what I had done to deserve this. The FA kept coming by every 15 minutes spraying air freshener. The nice lady I had moved next to, suggested a drop of scented hand lotion under each nostril. Worked a bit. Now, I never leave home without it.

  • Chicky

    I rarely notice what people have on when I travel, unless it’s holding up the parade. Case in point: woman dressed to the nines, wearing pointy toed, high-heeled boots with a bunch of buckles. Took her nearly 10 minutes to clear security because it took her so long to get the boots off. Ye gods. I wear flat, closed-toe, slip on shoes when I fly. Something like loafers or similar. This is because, if something happens and I need to get away from the plane in a hurry, I won’t run out of my shoes, or fall because they are floppy and tripped me up. It’s a safety thing with me. If someone else wears flip-flops, fine with me. Hope they don’t have to run somewhere.
    T-shirts, jeans, shorts, sweats, big deal. I wear comfortable clothes, too. Cotton top, knit pants.
    Like someone else said, I’m not changing my aisle seat for a middle seat for a parent, but sure, I’ll change window for window or aisle for aisle.
    I tote my own stuff and put my own carryon in the overhead bin all by myself. I have had guys kindly offer to help, and I’ve taken them up on it, but I’m perfectly capable of doing it, and I don’t ask others to hoist my luggage for me.
    One of my rude pet peeves is being the poor soul in the aisle seat across the aisle from the nitwit who has his/her crap stowed in the overhead over my seat, and, just as the wheels touch down and we’ve slowed down to taxi speed, jumps up, yanks open the bin over MY head, drags out a rollaboard and nearly whacks me in the head with it in his/her zeal to be FIRST off the plane! I’ve assumed “crash” position a few times to protect my head from descending luggage!
    Oh, and would you PLEASE have your ID and boarding pass ready when you’re in line for security? PLEASE? Don’t rifle through every pocket of every item of clothing and every piece of luggage, looking for your documents, while those in line behind you plot your early demise.

  • http://traytables-travels.blogspot.com Traytable

    Every airline I’ve ever worked for had a “no shoes, no boarding” and no offensive t-shirt slogans policy.

    I think it’s not that more people are complaining, it’s that people are getting ruder and people are getting sick of it after so many years of ‘me me me’.

    I once had a passenger complain that I was in the bathroom too long- I was actually in there assisting a lady who had to use a colostomy bag. When I explained that the other person required time due to a medical condition, the rude git said “Well that’s not my problem, she shouldn’t fly then should she!”

    I was gobsmacked!