3 tips for handling upgrade guilt

seat2Do you suffer from upgrade guilt when you fly in first class? You probably do — and if you don’t, you should.

The woman seated in the last row of first class on my previous flight did. As I boarded the aircraft, our eyes locked, and I smiled as I shuffled back to seat 25D.

She looked away. I could tell she felt sorry for me.

I admit it: I’m gripped by guilt when I get upgraded or somehow score a premium seat, which happens almost never, because I refuse to participate in those addictive airline loyalty programs. But when it does, I always cast a hesitant glance back to the economy class section, where the seats are stacked so close together that you almost can’t move, and I feel a little ambivalent – and ashamed.

When I started flying four decades ago, even the worst seat in economy class came with good service and ample legroom. To want that in 2013 is not wrong. But it’s practically unheard of.

Thanks to market forces that have been misunderstood, incompetent airline management and a small, loud group of elite-level frequent fliers, we now have two basic choices: an abundance of too-cheap, substandard seats and a select few flying sofas in the front of the plane that only the wealthiest or well-traveled can afford.

Airlines say they’re just following the money – that they just reward their best customers by treating them like Pharaohs. But that’s not the whole truth. Some airlines have quietly gone further, systematically removing basic amenities from the back and redistributing them to these demanding customers.

Today, the disparity between the “haves” and “have-nots” is truly embarrassing.

If you’re sitting up front, and you have mixed feelings, don’t worry. That’s perfectly normal. Actually, it means you’re probably one of the good guys – an elite-level frequent flier with a conscience and compassion. Here are a few things you can right do now to feel better.

Donate some of your miles to charity. Award miles may be a dangerous habit, but you can put them to good use by giving them away. No, it won’t fix the disparity between the classes, but it will help someone less fortunate travel for medical treatment or to to see a sick relative. You have my permission to feel better about yourself.

Give up your seat. If you ever rode the bus or train, you learned that it was good manners to give up your seat to an elderly man or a pregnant woman. Works the same way on a plane. Why not offer your seat to someone serving our country in the armed forces? It’s a great way to say “thank you.”

Fly on an airline that gets it. Both JetBlue and Southwest have fairer one-class configurations, where everyone gets treated with a minimum level of respect. If these airlines succeed – and thank goodness, they are succeeding – then it sends a powerful message that the segmentation that gave rise to a class of crybaby elites will not be rewarded. And that will lead to their demise. It can’t happen too soon.

If you’re one of the entitled elites, I’m sure you’ll disagree with me. Maybe you think the passengers in the back deserve to be wedged into their seats without adequate food, water and ventilation because “you get what you pay for.”

You may also believe that because you — or more likely, your employer — paid the airline a lot of money for your tickets, that you should be treated like royalty on the aircraft at the expense of everyone else’s comfort. When you try to make that argument in the comments, you will only prove my point, and I thank you for that.

If you feel no guilt when you’re upgraded, have no empathy with the other passengers suffering behind the drawn curtain, I’m not sure if I can do anything for you. Helping passengers find their conscience is way above my pay grade.

Do you feel guilty when you're upgraded to first class?

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  • Joe_D_Messina

    When you started flying four decades ago there was plenty of room? Ever think part of that perception came from the fact you were 3 feet tall at the time, Chris? ;-) My 7-year old thinks there’s tons of room today!

  • dourdan

    um.. i have never seen anyone get upgraded (other on then in tv or in the movies). my husband is what you would consider “obese” so when we fly first class (and pay full price) it’s because it’s medically necessary.

    meaning no guilt 4 me.

  • Mark

    Why on earth do you refuse to participate in the frequent flyer programs? I can understand why you don’t think they’re worth all that much but it’s not like you to leave free money on the table. That’s the column I really want to read.

  • bodega3

    Guilt? No, because I am paying for it.
    Not sure why you don’t like a frequent flyer program. We just cashed in our miles and are flying biz to LHR and first class back home for just the cost of the taxes. I love the mileage programs!

  • LeeAnneClark

    This is the first time I can’t answer your poll. It makes no sense.

    There is no such a thing as a FREE upgrade…so anyone who is in first class somehow paid for it, either by having flown a lot (which means somebody bought a heckuva lot of plane tickets, so the accumulated fares were a lot of money), or by paying the actual cost of the first class seat. Or, as is becoming more available on certain airlines these days, buying an economy fare seat and then waiting till hours before the flight and paying an upgrade fee. (I’ve done that a couple of times on Virgin and it’s a great deal.)

    I have only flown first class a few times, but I can certainly say I never felt GUILT over it! Why should I? I don’t fly for work – I buy my own tickets. When I can find a good deal on first class seats, or an affordable upgrade, I buy them. I do this because after my back surgery I have a really hard time sitting in economy, especially on long flights. And it would be even worse if I found myself in front of someone like you, Christopher, who feels I don’t have a right to recline my seat, so I’d have to sit ram-rod straight for hours, which would be torture for me and leave me in excruciating pain.

    Therefore I pay more, so that 1) I can get where I want to go without being in pain, and 2) I don’t have to deal with someone who feels they have a right to prevent me from reclining my seat, which would make the pain even worse.

    But that absolutely does NOT mean I think the people in coach DESERVE to be treated like cattle! What a horrible thing for you to assume! Is it really one or the other? Can’t we NOT feel guilty about the fact that we bought the seats we felt most comfortable in, while also feeling empathy for the people who weren’t able to afford them? Why on earth would you think that not feeling guilt means we feel no compassion? Do you feel guilt that you live in a lovely house, while homeless people sleep on the streets? Have YOU ever given your bed to a homeless person? Why should we give up a seat WE paid more for, to someone who paid less?

    In order to answer your poll, there would have to be a third option: No, I don’t feel guilty, but there is entirely too much suffering in the back. Why does it have to be either or?

    Look, the airlines don’t have to make economy so horrific. They could offer a plush first class for those who want to pay for it, and a reasonable and comfortable coach for those who don’t. It’s not a zero sum game – giving perks in first class doesn’t mean they have to take away perks from coach. The airlines are making those choices, not the passengers.

    Stop blaming the people in first class for your discomfort in the back. The airlines can, and should, treat ALL passengers with basic human decency and dignity.

  • LeeAnneClark

    Christopher seems to have a bizarre anger at the mileage programs, which I believe is misplaced. I think his anger should be directed at the frequent business flyers whose employers pay for their flights, and who choose their flights based on airline loyalty (regardless of price or schedule) in order to accumulate miles, and do weird things (like doing “mileage runs”) to keep their miles at a certain threshold so they can get elite level perks.

    The reality is that many people who participate in mileage programs don’t abuse them, or do stupid things with them. They don’t choose their flights based on the airline, but on other criteria (schedule, fare, connections) and because they happened to sign up for the program, they accumulate miles on whichever airline they’ve flown. If you fly enough, eventually you’re going to end up with enough miles to get an upgrade. Yay! Smart move! You get to ride up front without having to pay extra.

    There are also people who accumulate miles in other ways, such as by using certain credit cards for purchases they were going to make anyway. Do that enough and you’ll end up with enough miles for an upgrade. Yay! Smart move! You get to ride up front without having to pay extra.

    How on earth are either of these situations bad? I would love to hear an explanation.

  • http://www.facebook.com/CarverFarrow Carver Clark Farrow

    You go girl. :)

    Chris is making false dichotomies and assumptions. I’m a big guy. I pay for first. My last regular employer paid trip was in 2004. Otherwise I paid for my first class tickets myself. I get a bigger seat, more legroom, a $10 meal, and checked luggage, not exactly an opulent experience.

  • Tirupati Devasthanam

    Hi
    very nice blog and excellent information 3 tips for handling upgrade guilt.

  • mikegun

    #3. No. I have logged so many miles in middle seats in coach, that I enjoy the occasional upgrade.

  • Jill_Ion

    There isn’t a choice for “No, I don’t feel superior to coach class (me most of the time), but enjoy the perqs of 1st class the few times I’ve gotten them.”

    I don’t have time to feel your guilt, Christopher. Deal with your own shame and stop trying to dump it on other people.

  • http://www.eyeonannapolis.net/ John Frenaye

    Where is the end of the “Let’s Flog Chris” line?

  • Ed Boston

    #3 – No. I paid for it so why should I feel guilty?

  • http://elliott.org Christopher Elliott

    I’m not sure there is one. But I’m going to stop reading the comments now. I’ll probably get more work done.

  • Dude

    How about putting the scorn where it should be, at the airline itself? Its the airline that has turned Economy into Steerage. I’m not saying it should be like first class by a long stretch, but why make the seats so close that if either person reclines he’s this close to creating a situation with the person either in front or back of him.

    I don’t need all these amenities. I’d be happy with a seat, a lite to read by (or not).

  • http://www.deltapoints.com/ DeltaPoints.com

    The really sad part about this, with smart use of points, most times I fly in BIZ or 1st for much much less than those back in coach!

  • TonyA_says

    Try that on real airlines on international routes. The first class is opulent. By real I mean some Arab or Asian airlines. Of course some of the fares are hitting six figures.

    I think I know where Chris is coming from. He does not like the extreme comfort difference between cabins (aka compartments) on the same airplane. I don’t mind seeing those amazing seats on FC and BC if the coach is also decent. But if they squeeze the poor class to make the rich section super luxurious then the envy wars begin.
    On my last flight to Japan, the whole airplane, a B 777, was mostly Business Class. Tucked way back was a small economy class where the space between rows was still decent. There was enough legroom and the tray had enough clearance throughout the 12 hour flight even for one with a beer belly. If I fly a US carrier across the Atlantic, I cannot open the tray in front of me completely especially if the one in front reclines. So it is not comfortable at all. This is where upgrades are to die for. For domestic economy I am lucky enough to have Jet Blue and Southwest. Otherwise I will succumb to CE comfort envy syndrome.

  • TonyA_says

    Well that’s probably NOT on Delta international since to upgrade I need a Y B M booking class paid ticket to begin with. Care to explain how you fly first paying less than economy T class?
    Maybe you are travelling solely on (medallion) rewards on the lousiest days and times. I am interested to hear your strategy because I have family members who literally have

  • http://www.deltapoints.com/ DeltaPoints.com

    The above is Lufthansa 1s class that I got for points plus about $110 (Delta does not have 1st only biz) but I always at peak times get 100k low level biz seats to Europe 3x times a year and explain how on the blog!

  • TonyA_says

    Are you accumulating (earning) those in UA MP? Or miles and more directly?

  • TonyA_says

    I thought you were purposely trying to find out which of your readers had some flyertalk dna traits :-)

  • TonyA_says

    I must admit that me and my family have been upgraded a couple of times WITHOUT USING POINTS on within Asia routes of Delta and Cathay Pacific. My brother and niece miraculouly got one (while I sweat out in coach) between HKG and JFK on CX BC. You should see those seats!
    Yes I feel a little guilt because I did not pay a cent or any miles or points to get upgraded.
    Sometimes, it is just luck. Sometimes you know somebody (secret). But I certainly won’t begrudge anyone sitting on business or first. Most of them paid or earned points somehow.

  • TonyA_says

    I went to your blog and searched lufthansa. I got nothing. Are you joking or do I need more coffee?
    I found one interesting post. The one where you comment about this site http://boardingarea.com/blogs/deltapoints/2012/11/24/agree-with-chris-elliott-%e2%80%93-most-should-cut-up-their-frequent-flyer-cards/

  • http://profiles.google.com/saucywench S E Tammela

    I’m thinking “Hey look, I’ve got a blog, free advertising, come to my blog!” etc.

  • James

    Well… I started flying 48 years ago. What we now get in domestic first/business is less than what we got in coach in 1965.

    That said, I was high level elite FF back in 1996, when I was flying cross country to visit my parents during the holidays. My flight was canceled, but because I was elite FF, I was put on the next flight — a middle seat on a six hour red eye. This resulted in months of back pain, and an order from my physician to avoid coach for flights longer than 3 hours…

    I no longer fly as much as I used to, so I am no longer elite — so I pay for the seat, and on shorter distances, I take the train or drive.

  • Kairho

    What a coincidence … I do NOT feel guilty nor ashamed when I get upgraded (which is about 50% of the time nowadays). I do feel that way when I sit in the back of the bus on domestic flights (I never buy a cheap seat for international travel; it’s not worth the struggle).

    I also don’t give airline miles to charity. They are simply too difficult to use for the promised “free” flights. My charities prefer cash, which is my MO.

    And as others have said, I have earned my privileges and enjoy the fruits of years and years of uncomfortable labor. But don’t refer to royalty when you see some of us in the front of almost every domestic flight. The seats are a bit more comfortable and, yes, the beverages are included. But the other hassles of modern air travel are still there, although maybe a light bit of an improvement.

  • http://flyicarusfly.com/ Fly, Icarus, Fly

    Wouldn’t know since I’ve only flown first class once. I had volunteered to be bumped but in the end, they had enough seats. The FA came to get me in my coach seat and asked me to follow her without saying where we were going. When I plopped down in a first class seat, I think I was too scared to actually ask for anything, being 17 at the time. And it was barely an hour’s flight from NYC to DC. One of the guilty elites can donate their miles to me, if that’ll make them feel better! I’ll have no compunction about closing that curtain! j/k

  • Chris

    I like this article and I get what you’re saying here, but I would disagree with the notion that Economy class is as bad as you make it. Naturally it varies by airline, and I will admit that with my relative youth I’m not really familiar with the “good ole days” of airline travel.

    Airlines have a tough job in promoting their product, that, at the end of the day, is more or less the same as the others. Everyone still has to check in, check their luggage, go to security, wait somewhere, board the plane, get off the plane, and then hopefully arrive at their final destination. What it boils down to is their own frequent flier program (which is also probably like everyone else’s) and each customer’s own personal experience on the day they decided to travel. Airline staff and employees are under a lot of pressure to deliver a consistent experience, even if a customer is wronged by things that cannot be controlled (weather, line, friendliness of TSA, quality of airport, etc).

    However, there are some pretentious “elite flyers” out there that feel that they should be given the world when they want it and that is frustrating. Also, I understand what you’re saying with the money factor, but look. If someone wants to spend three times the amount for a 1-2 hour plane ride, then let the sucker do it. It still doesn’t mean I should feel guilty when/if I am upgraded and others are not, because whether I fly economy, business class, or super duper top of the line class, I fly humble and with respect, and I don’t need the feeling of guilt to prove that to myself.

    If you do fly in a humble manner I believe you will get a better experience and you will actually take the time to enjoy your flight. A person upgraded to business class for the first time will probably enjoy it a lot more than someone who is there every week.

  • Raven_Altosk

    I feel no guilt. My company spends nearly $80K a year flying my butt around the world.

    But I have given up my seat to a service member before…but not out of guilt. Out of courtesy.

  • Raven_Altosk

    LIKE X 1000

  • Raven_Altosk

    Wow, you are shameless about promoting your Kissing Delta’s Butt blog, bro.

  • BillCCC

    This must be a ‘Troll for comments’ post. I am not one of the entitled class.While I will sometimes pay for a preferred seat, I have never been upgraded nor paid for first class.

    I would not feel guilty and would not expect anyone in first class to feel guilty. I disagree that people in first class are treated better at the expense of the economy passengers. As with most things that we buy you receive what you pay for.

  • Helio

    As I wrote in a previous post, 20 years ago the air tickets used to cost several times more than today. I’m pretty sure if someone agrees to pay now the same fare he used to pay in the past, he will receive much more amenities and benefits today than he used to receive 20 years ago.

  • Charles B

    Chris,
    I fly delta by preference. I have their mileage plan and their credit card. Means for an $85 annual fee I can skip paying $100/trip in baggage fees when two of us fly, and I get the privilege of boarding the plan ahead of the army of roll-a-boards fills the overheads to avoid the same fees. I also fly their codeshare commuter jet flights by preference, because then I know that same army of roll-a-boards will be tagged and sent to the hull as they should have been in the first place. I’ve flown 1st class once – on miles, before american could expire them from me after they pulled out of our airport (RDU was once a hub).

    So basically, I do everything I can to work with the system, and I should feel guilty. I got it. Glad you got it out of your system.

  • TonyA_says

    The question is whether Frequent Flyer Programs actually cause more discomfort for people flying coach. Are these loyalty programs the reason why airlines squeezed in more rows? I am all ears.

  • TonyA_says

    I will never feel guilty having clients like you :-)

  • Jeanne_in_NE

    Hi LeeAnne – the only time I’ve ever flown first class was because I was upgraded for free, in none of the scenarios you offered.

    I had to book tickets for 3 to a funeral a year ago, so paid the premium seating fee on the way TO the funeral because those were the only seats left to be assigned 3 days out. I decided to play chicken with the airline on the way FROM the funeral and let them assign me and did not pay the premium seating fee. When we got to the rinky-dink local airport for our 1st leg back, they informed me that we had no seats available for the 2nd and 3rd legs and that the people in Charlotte would have to figure out how to get us to Kansas City. When we got to Charlotte, we were seated in first class for our leg to Chicago. No first class on the commuter flight to KC, but they somehow found room for us. Those seats were at the absolute other end of the spectrum from first class. I think they averaged out to a premium Economy seat. :)

    I agree with all the rest of your points, but I did feel guilty about being in first class when I hadn’t paid for it.

  • scapel@suddenlink.net

    It makes no sense to feel guilty for flying first class. When I was younger I flew coach almost all the time. I now either pay for first or use upgrade points.
    Years ago my wife and I were once seletcted at random to move up to first class. I contended that it was because she was so well dressed. People used to dress up to fly. I think the airline person was making room in coach for other passengers. We just felt lucky, not guilty.

  • KarlaKatz

    I don’t upgrade, but I do pay full fare for First Class; no guilt here! My $1800 ticket, compared to $200 in the back, is well worth the extras

  • Lee

    Hey if you get chance to escape steerage on an upgrade more power to you. Enjoy it. You may not have paid cash but you pay in other ways. You will never get on upgrade on your first trip. More than likely you have flown with them quite a bit. Just not the same level as 1k or the hyper platinum elites. The labels change every week. You can fly quite a bit (500 milers anyone) and never get upgraded. So enjoy it because it does not happen often or at all.

  • Lucky

    Guilty no but will keep it in mind. I don’t eat the food, nor drink the booze, nor do I ever pay for the automatic upgrades. Why would I give the seat to a millitary person rather than a member of the clergy (in uniform) who is more likely to be in favor of non violence?

  • Charles

    One of Elliott’s columns on this is at http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20121119145727-332179-frequent-flier-programs-are-a-scam-here-s-why-you-should-quit-yours-now

    As much as I like much of what Chris has to say, his opinion on frequent flyer programs is pretty much nonsense. I think he reads the nutty people on FlyerTalk who make mileage trips and feels that is representative of normal people.

  • Tanya

    Wow. Do I feel guilty when I fly first? Hmmm. Nope. I work quite a bit and save my money so that when I decide to travel, I can do so in first class. I do not fly enough now to earn FF points, so I just look for the good deals on first or business, buy and enjoy to the fullest. I have the same opportunity as everyone else on that flight to make a choice to fly first, business, or coach. If I made my decision and used my money to do that, why should I feel bad for those who opted not to?

    I am with the others that think that it should not have to be one or the other. I do think airlines should have better economy seats. But they don’t. If you don’t like it, don’t fly. Enjoy the road trip or traveling by train. Not as practical, but really, no one is forcing any of us on the planes. If people stopped paying for coach, then the airlines may rethink how they make the planes. But I refuse to feel guilty over paying with my hard earned money for a better seat. If you would like to sit in a better seat, save your money then travel when you have enough to purchase that better seat, but please don’t try to lay a guilt trip on those of us who have saved our money to purchase the better seat.

  • Tanya

    Amen!

  • Charles

    Guilty? You’ve got to be kidding!

    My family missed a connection on Delta once and had to spend the night in a hotel. They put us on first class on the flight out the next morning. We didn’t ask for it, they just did it. I didn’t feel guilty, I felt thankful for a nice gift. My daughter recently was flying Delta to Orlando and the plane broke down so she spent many hours in the airport and finally was booked on a flight the next morning. I think she probably cried about it; she gets pretty emotional. She ended up in first class as well. I don’t think she felt guilty about it at all.

  • http://elliott.org Christopher Elliott

    I know which ones are on Flyertalk.

  • http://elliott.org Christopher Elliott

    If it were a troll for comments post, it would have been the lead story for today. It wasn’t. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately.

  • bodega3

    At one time I handled corporate travel. Many who travel for their company and the company pays for those tickets can be a PITA about what they expect. Those who pay for their own tickets and earn the miles on their own are better to work with based on my experiences in handling their arrangements.

  • emanon256

    I fly every week, and on my own dime. I get paid a flat rate and its expected that I cover my own costs. Many people I work with are within driving distance, so they make a lot more money, good for them. I don’t go way out of my way to fly on one airline just for the points, but because of where I live I don’t have many options. Sadly Frontier seems to never fly where I go anymore which dispositions me. I also have to balance time with family against costs. SouthWest may save me $100, but I also loose 4 more hours with my family on Sunday and have to connect on my way home. Its not just about loyalty programs, a lot goes into it. And not every elite flys up-front on every flight and demands things. Also not every one is elite because their company pays for them, for some of us, its the only way to get to work.

    As far as taking things out of coach and redistributing them amongst the demanding elites in first class? I beg to differ. When I first started flying there were more first class seats, and first class meals were good. Coach also had more leg room and much better service. Today, there are fewer first class seats, and much less legroom in coach. The coach meals are gone, and the first class meals are worse than the old coach ones. Nothing was taken from coach and redistributed to first class, something was taken away from everyone, and redistributed to airline executives in the form of bonuses.

    And as far as those elites who always fly first class. I have been upgraded 2 times since the Untied Continental merger. That is less than 3% of my flights, and on my last flight, the First Class Dinner was a hot pocket and 4 pieces of fruit, talk about glamorous. Prior to the merger, I was upgraded about 20% of the time. That’s still a lot of flying in coach, so no, on the rare occasion I get moved up from coach, I don’t feel guilty about it. The ones who should feel guilty are the airline executives who treat everyone like cattle to line their own pockets with more money.

  • John Herrmann

    I felt so guilty on Virgin Atlantic (London-NYC), upgraded to 1st, that when the young woman came around and asked if I’d like a massage, I declined. But I did not feel guilty when, as a working journalist, I was on a 5-day Caribbean cruise and my cabin was the size of any Marriott I’ve ever stayed in. The majority of those aboard were CEOs of Baby Bell Companies. Har-Dee-Har! But LeeAnn Clark, below, is wrong about how you can get upgrades to 1st. I was on a fully booked economy section and two seats were so with same number, mine and a woman who was yel;ling at the cabin crew that I WAS IN HER SEAT!!! The only other seat available was in 1st, and guess which nice person got it? I paid only for economy and got upgraded to the suite at the Ritz.

  • Joe_D_Messina

    Totally agree that it really isn’t as bad as we frequently like to make it out to be. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve felt like I was treated like a cow by an airline. It happens, but it’s not the norm. Most airlines employees are reasonably friendly and no worse than any other service people I interact with.

    I notice there isn’t as much room between the seats as there used to be, but it typically doesn’t ruin my flight. Free food is pretty much a thing of the past, but I remember when you got entire hot meals for free and airline food was still ridiculed. We like to gripe. It gives us something to do and makes us feel better.