Should I feel guilty for refusing to give up my seat to a family?

No, you can't have my seat. / Photo by Wex Dub - Flickr
There are at least two sides to every story, and in the recent controversy involving kids and airline seating, the other side didn’t get a lot of airtime.

I’m here to correct that.

It’s voices like Carla Overbeck, who recently overheard a flight attendant ask a passenger if he wouldn’t mind moving so that a family could sit together. (As a refresher, airlines are charging extra for more desirable economy class seats, leading some to conclude that families would be separated — a claim I doubted).

“Of course I wouldn’t mind if I had a middle seat to give that up for another seat,” says Overbeck. “But I think I would be upset if I were asked if I were willing to move from an aisle seat. There would be a guilt factor if I said no, but I would be unhappy with myself and the airline if I said yes.”

In fact, there’s a largely silent majority of non-parents who who meekly suggested they shouldn’t have to give up their seat for a family. And that’s especially true if they’ve paid extra for a premium seat, they say.

As reader Jennifer Minchau, herself a mother, admitted “those who have paid for premium seats might be reluctant to give up their seat up for my special snowflake.”

All of which raises the question of who has more rights: flying parents — or paying passengers?

It shouldn’t ever come to this, of course. But it apparently has and it could happen with more frequency in the future.

So let’s go there.

No doubt, parents do enjoy special rights when it comes to air travel. Some carriers allow them to board early. Babies are offered a drink first, along with first class passengers. Parents with young kids are sometimes given bulkhead seats in order to manage a toddler on a long flight.

Yet at the same time, airlines cater to those who pay extra. Even if you’re in the back of the plane, if you’ve shelled out $25 for an exit row seat, you have the right to that seat — maybe even a special right to the seat as opposed to the passenger who requested the exit row at check-in.

Airlines place their flight crew in a difficult position. They’re rewarded for their company’s profitability. Yet they’re also asked to keep passengers happy and to mediate any in-flight disputes, including those between parents who think they’re entitled to sit next to their kids and other passengers who think they’re entitled to the seat they reserved.

This money versus morality argument — oh, that’s something the airline industry doesn’t do very well.

I’m reminded of Raj Wadhwa, who was flying from San Francisco to Chicago on United Airlines with his wife and kids, ages 10 and 12. The flight was completely full, and his family had paid for the trip with miles. That’s an important detail.

“Once we were boarded – and we were about 10 minutes past the scheduled departure time, one of the flight attendants informed my wife that my 10-year-old was being bumped to make room for a revenue passenger with a higher status,” he says. “It seems the passenger who was bumping my daughter had missed his connection from an international flight and was not willing to take the next flight – even once he found out he would be bumping a 10-year-old – and the gate agent was going to allow this to happen.”

Wadhwa and his daughter disembarked and took the next flight. He complained to United, and it send him a form apology and a $25 flight voucher.

The absurdity goes the other way. And nowhere can you see it on more consistent display than at my home airport, Orlando. Every flight is filled with kids on their way to a theme park vacation with parents who think they deserve to board first, sit together for free, and have the flight attendant tell them how cute their kids are, even if they are not.

The passengers who paid extra for their premium seat have a right to sit there. They have the right to not feel guilty when a flight attendant asks them to move in order to make room for a family, and they don’t feel like it. They shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to feel a little bit of comfort on what is arguably the most uncomfortable way to travel in America today.

But don’t fault these passengers or the parents or the flight attendants who have been put in a difficult situation. The blame for all this falls squarely on the shoulders of the airlines, whose managers obviously didn’t consider the implications of selling seat reservations.

It’s up to them to find a solution.

  • The_One_Eyed_Jack

    t.

  • elemenoh

    I’ll only give up a seat I’ve reserved if the airline offers me a better seat. Sometimes I just have to ask, “Is there an empty seat in First that you can move me to?” and voila I get out of coach altogether. Then someone who doesn’t know how to plan their travel in advance gets out of an awkward situation they created for themselves. If I can’t get a better seat, I stay put. 

    Same thing in a movie theater: I get there early for a good seat so I’m not going to move for a group who shows up five minutes before the film starts.

    “Poor Planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

  • Mozue Cat

     Hi, I actually do not have children.  :o)

  • arealityho

    I am usually flying to Florida and people asking me to give up my seat are families going on vacation. They have never asked me to switch seats because they are going to a funeral and were not able to reserve seats because of the short notice.

  • arealityho

    As you can see, my post was in response to Monica Lynn Kennedy….not you.

  • LeeAnneClark

    I take it that it hasn’t dawned on you that you were responding to my earlier post about specifically a situation in which a family was flying to a grandfather’s funeral?

    And I also take it that you assume that because it hasn’t happened to you…it doesn’t happen?

    Great logic there.

    Grandparents die.  Families travel to the funeral.  THAT was what my post (to which you originally responded) was about.  It had nothing to do with families going on vacation.

    Try to stay with the conversation, dude.

  • http://twitter.com/notgivenxyz Not Given

    Let the 2 yo sit by herself and tell her seat neighbors that you’ll be happy to switch with whomever caves first. I’ll bet it won’t take long.

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.french.35977 Richard French

    I move if asked. Last time I was in a window seat with a lady (and Baby on knee) next to me and unrelated man in aisle seat. Aisle guy refuses to move to allow father to join his wife and baby. I volunteer ( FA and family very grateful, aisle guy looks sour) and move down the back (next to another mum and baby, darn it!) Just before take off flight attendant dashes up and takes me back to the front to a better seat than I started with. Karma rules. Be nice if you can and sometimes good things flow.

  • http://twitter.com/IntoRainbowz WendyLouWho

    Here is how I solve that problem when I travel with my child. I PAY for those enhanced seats. That way, I get the good seats, AND I have plenty of space for my child. I don’t expect anyone to cater to me because I have children. If we are on Southwest, I’m hitting the reload button at 24 hours prior to our flights to get an “A”. Pretty much if you have an “A” you are fine on Southwest. I did refuse to move one flight on Southwest. I had an A, was at the plane plenty of time, and got the front aisle seat. I was pregnant, and wanted the room. The plane was delayed leaving for a disabled gentlemen. Frankly I was quite ticked that he was so late, and I saw his boarding pass and it was a C. He didn’t plan ahead, but expected people to move.And No, he wasn’t a plane change that was delayed, that would have changed my attitude. He was late, plain and simple. And being pregnant the free beer was ZERO incentive. Thankfully the other guy moved, but I wasn’t moving.

  • http://twitter.com/IntoRainbowz WendyLouWho

    Yeah, I’m not moving from an aisle into the middle seat. They should be talking to the person in the middle seat next to them offering to give the better seat.

  • Marco Smoliner

    I’m 6’10″ tall. Whenever I fly, I try to get legroom. Unfortunately I can’t always fly business, as my company won’t pay for it.
    In some planes rows are just too narrow to fit my legs, so I physically don’t fit in. Canadian airlines decided on one flight, when I refused to sit down in a seat I didn’t fit, to unload my luggage and bump me off the flight.
    I wonder what would happen if they do that to a wheelchair driver…

  • marissa

    I think paying customers have more rights, however, I was recently on a plane to Miami with my husband and 3 y.o and we got split up despite booking seats together weeks in advance. He had a window seat towards the back of the plane and DS and I had a middle and aisle seat. The woman refused to switch for a seat towards the back of the plane because she ‘didn’t want to have to wait any extra time to get off the plane’ and my DS was totally inconsolable the entire flight- he wanted to sit with his mom and dad like we had told him. I was really pissed.
    The second time I flew this year, my DH was supposed to come so we booked a row of three seats to include aisle, middle and window. DH had a work commitment and couldn’t come and obviously didn’t check in. I am pregnant and asked for the aisle seat we had booked my DH to sit in. They had given it away even though they had no notice DH wasn’t coming til that day and certainly didn’t give us a refund on the flight. I was forced to climb over my DS and a passenger every hour to walk up and down the plane. Just aggravation all round.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1620535967 Elaine Walkden

    Not giving up an aisle seat I’ve taken pains to secure. Sorry, parents.