It’s not the end of the world as we know it — unless you’re traveling

I‘ve been thinking about the end a lot lately. Maybe you have, too.

Birds are falling out of the sky. Fish are dying. And this morning, snowmageddon: the sequel.

Let me rephrase my headline: I don’t know for a fact that the world isn’t ending. Some believe it is.

But my money’s on 2012, when California will slide into the ocean, according to Roland Emmerich. Which is why I’m visiting it now, while it’s still here.

Didn’t you see the movie?

Anyway, what could be weirder than that? I’ll tell you what: travel.

For example, did you catch the story about the United Airlines flight that was diverted to Toronto because it was being hijacked? Actually, it wasn’t. The pilot spilled coffee on the controls, sending out an emergency hijacking alert. The FAA is investigating.

Here’s a related video:

Exhibit “B”: Are stripping incidents at TSA checkpoints on the rise? The latest case is a 21-year-old student who wore only his undies through the TSA screening area in Richmond, Va., to protest pat-downs and scans.

Not exactly an original idea, but he gets bonus points for scrawling the Fourth Amendment across his chest. If I were an unimaginative assignment editor, I’d be asking my reporters to do a story on stripping passengers on the double.

Related video from another stripping passenger:

But the one true sign the world is ending for travelers is that Sabre, the largest provider of reservation services to travel agents, has severed ties with American Airlines.

I haven’t weighed in on this dispute yet, except to publish a prophetic Q&A interview with American last month, but if I’d suggested a few years ago that Sabre, which used to be owned by AA, would dump American, you’d have called me nuts.

In people terms, it’s like a child suing a parent for a “divorce” — it’s bizarre.

Hey American, care to comment?

Maybe I should have played that pilot video again.

So yeah, these are the End Times for travelers. Doesn’t get much weirder than this.

  • Tom

    Prices are low, airline safety is at an all time high, with a Kindle you can carry as many books as you want, electronic devices now allow you to conduct business and keep in touch easily on the road — I would argue these are the best of times, not the end of times.

  • cjr

    Customer service is nonexistent, government intrusions are on the rise, and the person sitting next to you on the plane probably thinks you’re a terrorist.

    The times are not good, to say the least.

  • LeeAnne

    @cjr – not only does the person next to you think you’re a terrorist – our own GOVERNMENT does! That must be why they are viewing the naked bodies of 9-year-olds, patting down bare-chested toddlers, feeling the breasts and genitals of elderly grandmothers, and popping urostomy bags of cancer survivors, just so they can go on an airplane.

    I’ve been traveling for decades, and never before has air travel been as undignified, degrading, and uncomfortable as it is now. Having just returned from a two-week holiday that involved several flights, I can tell you that every moment of the actual air travel experience was horrific – from lengthy security lines, to the TSA nudo-scopes and sexual assaults, to airplane seats so narrow you end up with muscle cramps and forced intimate contact with complete strangers for hours on end, to surly flight attendants, to long CBP lines and snarky CBP agents. It almost makes me just want to stay home.

    But if the world is going to come to an end soon, I want to get out and see as much of it as I can while it’s still around!

  • http://frequentlyflying.com Darren

    The Sabre v. American thing really struck me odd, too. I’m following that story with fascination.

  • http://www.foxstudio.biz Reynard

    The birds fell out of the sky in Arkansas because some knuckle draggers set off professional level, illegal fireworks right near the roosting tree, panicking the birds, who then ran into a variety of objects at up to 25mph, which is why the chest trauma.

    As a native Californian, given the fault structure of the state, it’s far more likely that those of us in the northern part will be waving at So Cal as it drifts by us on its way to Alaska. They’re on a different tectonic plate than we are.

    Flying has become one of those things that I face with a certain resignation. I vaguely remember a time when it was an exciting treat. Fortunately, my main overseas trips allow me to fly with non-USA carriers like Korean Air, on which the service and quality of food in economy class is equal to United Airline’s Business Class.

  • Thomas

    The sky is falling, the sky is falling. Chris, you forgot about the 2M dead fish in Maryland and the several thousand in Arkansas.

  • Christopher Elliott

    @Thomas, thanks — I remembered. There’s a link to the fish story in the second paragraph.

  • Sommer Gentry

    The American way of life is ending, if you fly. We used to
    hold certain rights so dear: to be treated as innocent until we
    were individually suspects in a crime, to travel freely in our own
    country without government harassment, to decide for ourselves who
    looks at our naked bodies, to decide for ourselves with whom to
    engage in sexual contact. Until decent people rise up to fight
    these bullies and their worthless sexcurity theater, anyone who
    flies will be a suspect and many will be assaulted. I won’t fly.
    The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by
    men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. ~Louis D.
    Brandeis

  • Thomas

    Sorry Chris, me bad!

  • Ernest

    No matter what we think, the world is not ending nor will
    it end for several million years. Life as we know it and the human
    race may end this week but the world will still be here for the
    next batch of renters. Believe what you want about the depleted
    ozone, global warming, el nino or la nina or whatever. The third
    rock from the sun will be here for a long time after human are
    gone. So when we talk about the end of the world, lets be honest
    and call it the end of the world as we know it. Which reminds me
    that during the Y2K scare, there was suppose to be a book out
    called “TEOTWAWKI” for “The End Of The World As We Know It”. Maybe
    it is still available? It might be a good read.