3 tips for handling upgrade guilt

seat2Do you suffer from upgrade guilt when you fly in first class? You probably do — and if you don’t, you should.

The woman seated in the last row of first class on my previous flight did. As I boarded the aircraft, our eyes locked, and I smiled as I shuffled back to seat 25D.

She looked away. I could tell she felt sorry for me.

I admit it: I’m gripped by guilt when I get upgraded or somehow score a premium seat, which happens almost never, because I refuse to participate in those addictive airline loyalty programs. But when it does, I always cast a hesitant glance back to the economy class section, where the seats are stacked so close together that you almost can’t move, and I feel a little ambivalent – and ashamed.

When I started flying four decades ago, even the worst seat in economy class came with good service and ample legroom. To want that in 2013 is not wrong. But it’s practically unheard of.

Thanks to market forces that have been misunderstood, incompetent airline management and a small, loud group of elite-level frequent fliers, we now have two basic choices: an abundance of too-cheap, substandard seats and a select few flying sofas in the front of the plane that only the wealthiest or well-traveled can afford.

Airlines say they’re just following the money – that they just reward their best customers by treating them like Pharaohs. But that’s not the whole truth. Some airlines have quietly gone further, systematically removing basic amenities from the back and redistributing them to these demanding customers.

Today, the disparity between the “haves” and “have-nots” is truly embarrassing.

If you’re sitting up front, and you have mixed feelings, don’t worry. That’s perfectly normal. Actually, it means you’re probably one of the good guys – an elite-level frequent flier with a conscience and compassion. Here are a few things you can right do now to feel better.

Donate some of your miles to charity. Award miles may be a dangerous habit, but you can put them to good use by giving them away. No, it won’t fix the disparity between the classes, but it will help someone less fortunate travel for medical treatment or to to see a sick relative. You have my permission to feel better about yourself.

Give up your seat. If you ever rode the bus or train, you learned that it was good manners to give up your seat to an elderly man or a pregnant woman. Works the same way on a plane. Why not offer your seat to someone serving our country in the armed forces? It’s a great way to say “thank you.”

Fly on an airline that gets it. Both JetBlue and Southwest have fairer one-class configurations, where everyone gets treated with a minimum level of respect. If these airlines succeed – and thank goodness, they are succeeding – then it sends a powerful message that the segmentation that gave rise to a class of crybaby elites will not be rewarded. And that will lead to their demise. It can’t happen too soon.

If you’re one of the entitled elites, I’m sure you’ll disagree with me. Maybe you think the passengers in the back deserve to be wedged into their seats without adequate food, water and ventilation because “you get what you pay for.”

You may also believe that because you — or more likely, your employer — paid the airline a lot of money for your tickets, that you should be treated like royalty on the aircraft at the expense of everyone else’s comfort. When you try to make that argument in the comments, you will only prove my point, and I thank you for that.

If you feel no guilt when you’re upgraded, have no empathy with the other passengers suffering behind the drawn curtain, I’m not sure if I can do anything for you. Helping passengers find their conscience is way above my pay grade.

Do you feel guilty when you're upgraded to first class?

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  • TonyA_says

    How true. Business/First on domestic is a joke considering how much they charge for it. In fact I wonder if they can ever have a true Business/First of those regional (small) jets that seems to be dominating the domestic system nowadays. I have always thought that PAID Business/First passengers were the one subsidizing part of coach cabin. They can’t possibly be the ones Chris is referring to. I think CE has his fingers pointed at the REWARD/UPGRADE folks. I am still thinking his points through. They are too deep and quite complex issues.

  • LeeAnneClark

    Okay, so I will amend my statement to be “Free first-class upgrades are ALMOST UNHEARD OF”, key word being “almost”. ;-)

    My son actually also got a free upgrade – he’s in the Army and was flying home from training in his fatigues, and the gate agent just upgraded him. :)

    But those situations are, you must admit, exceedingly rare.

  • y_p_w

    “I apologize for nothing.”

  • LeeAnneClark

    Well Christopher if you feel flogged I apologize. I’m sure you know that I’m one of your biggest fans. But I do disagree with you on these two points:

    1. I have a right to recline my seat
    2. I have no reason to feel guilty if I get upgraded to first class (I paid for that upgrade somehow), and not feeling guilty does NOT mean I feel those in coach deserve to be treated like cattle.

    And I am most certainly NOT on Flyertalk! I got kicked out of there after I posted about my sexual assault by the TSA. ;-) Flyertalk has some sort of strange collusive relationship with certain TSA agents who frequent that board, and they do not allow us regular folk to criticize the TSA for their abusive tactics…while allowing the TSA agents to insult, demean and castigate us passengers with impunity.

  • LeeAnneClark

    Spam. That’s all it is. I really can’t stand the people who use this blog to advertise their products or services. They should be banned.

  • y_p_w

    I got a free upgrade to business class once. Our seats didn’t exist on this particular plane. It was configured with stacked spaces for carry on where our seats would normally be. The only remaining seats were in business class.

    It was also a nice upgrade since this was back when smoking was allowed on international flights. No smoking in business class.

  • http://elliott.org Christopher Elliott

    LeeAnne, you are obviously one of the ethical and compassionate passengers who sit in first class. I was careful to draw a distinction between the crybaby elites who are driving the gap between “haves” and “have-nots” further apart, and those who are just trying to get a little more comfortable on a plane. But it looks as if many commenters glossed over the story after reading the first paragraph, unfortunately.

    By the way, you have the right to lean your seat back until it hits my knees. It would be good manners if you also asked before leaning, but I’ll settle for a slow recline if possible, as opposed to jamming it back suddenly. it’s just good manners.

  • y_p_w

    Was she made fully aware of the fact that you got bumped to 1st? Frankly I would have done that.

  • JenniferFinger

    I don’t feel guilty about sitting in business or first class, because it’s so rare.

    I do think airlines should stop focusing on the bottom line so much and offer basic amenities.

  • EarlVanDorn

    Years ago on Delta I used to pay for my first class upgrade, $30 per segment. Personally I liked this better than hoping I might get it for free. Over the years I’ve only been upgraded from time to time, but I enjoy it and when I get it I enjoy it without guilt. Same for a paid upgrade or business class purchased with miles.

    I don’t find the Southwest coach seats to be any bigger than the coach seats on other airlines, and in any event all airlines provide ampe leg room. It’s the seat width that’s the problem, and JetBlue and Southwest are no better than anyone else. The airlines are not making the first class seats bigger by making the coach seats smaller. They are making the first class seats bigger by being able to charge more for them and/or to use them as a reward for their most frequent customers. It kind of makes sense that the person flying four times a year can endure the unpleasantness of coach much better than the person flying four times a week, and the airlines recognize this.

    I really find it odd that Elliott doesn’t participate in the airline loyalty programs. They are specifically designed to ensure that no regular customer gets stuck in coach an unacceptable amount, and a failure to participate is just throwing money down the drain. Apparently Elliott would rather fly coach and complain.

  • LeeAnneClark

    LOL – my point exactly! The nutters on FlyerTalk do exist, but they are a fraction of the people who use mileage programs. The vast majority are just normal flyers who belong to multiple programs and accumulate miles on whatever airline they happen to fly on to get where they need to go. And when they do that enough, they get miles that they can use upgrade. Yay for them. Where’s the problem?

  • y_p_w

    I’ve never actually flown domestic 1st or business class.

    I have flown First internationally once and business class three times. Three of those were when a travel agent relative was able to get special fares (something called “quarter fare”), although those options are limited. The other time was actually on a buddy pass where we were nice to the agent at the check-in counter (wasn’t that a discussion a few days ago?).

    Did I feel bad about it? Not really. I mean – in First the caviar was great and the Krug was cold. Did I mention that there were only four passengers and two flight attendants? However, the meal was still reheated and even though it was supposedly more expensive it still seemed like a warmed over TV dinner.

    Business class was pretty good, and once I even used the lounge. The appetizers were nice and I did make myself a rum and Coke.

    And no – I didn’t feel guilty. I don’t fly like that often enough to feel bad about the occasional chance I get to splurge.

  • mike

    What upgrade guilt? Say the average elite who is upgraded has flown 50,000 miles. That is 100 hours seated in an airplane. And likely much of this has been stressful business travel. And the airline likely has been paid a lot of money, whose doesn’t matter to me. it seems a no brainer that the airlines should want to ease that person’s travel. On business travel my firm pays coach. I enjoy frequent upgrades and appreciate them. I fly on pleasure with my wife who has status only with me. This means almost no chance of an upgrade so I do spend time in coach. recently Delta added economy comfort and we have lately gotten to sit there. I don’t feel guilty there either or for my early boarding or free luggage. Fly often, get the right credit card or pay for it BUT STOP GRIPING.

  • LeeAnneClark

    I did read the entire story. What got me was the poll…the fact that you wrote it to be an either/or situation. Either I’m an inconsiderate jerk who cares nothing about the hardships of others, or I’m filled with guilt over getting to experience something that I either paid for or earned. Whereas the vast majority of people in first class are going to fall into that third category: no guilt for what we got, but empathy for the poor squished people behind us. If you’d included that option, I suspect the comments in here would have had a completely different tone.

    But I also remember what you’ve explained before, that you write your polls to inspire discussion…which this one certainly did! So…mission accomplished! :)

    And there was also this: “Do you suffer from upgrade guilt when you fly in first class? You probably do — and if you don’t, you should.” I’m sure I’m not the only person who chafed at the suggestion that we SHOULD feel guilt. Why should we?

    As for your knees…I guess my question is, do your knees trump my back? Which one of us gets to be comfortable, at the other’s expense?

    And for the record, I always notify the person behind me when I’m reclining, and do it gently. I don’t ask “permission” because I don’t feel I need it – I paid for the seat, including all of its functionality. But we can agree to disagree here, and just hope that we never end up on a flight with me in front of you. ;-)

  • y_p_w

    They’re also a reason why a lot of airlines hesitate to enter the Hawaii market. The airlines that do get an inordinate number of award travelers flying to Hawaii.

  • LeeAnneClark

    I wanted to add a reply to my own comment above…which, by the way, is the first post of mine that’s gotten this many “up arrows” on Christopher’s blog in ages! Does this mean I’m forgiven for stating my opinion that parents have a right to be seated with their toddlers, and mothers have a right to breastfeed their infants on flights? ;-)

    So, several people have pointed out that there is, in fact, such a thing as a truly free upgrade. Hence, I added the word “almost” to my comment above.

    These free upgrades seem to fall into one of two categories:

    1. Pure luck (e.g. the airline upgraded you because there were no seats available in coach)
    2. An act of kindness (gate agent upgraded you because you’re a service-member, or some other reason…maybe she just thought you were cute!)

    So that leaves us with three categories of people who are in first class:

    1. Those who paid for their seats (or their employers did)

    2. Those who upgraded using miles (which means they earned their seat through paying for earlier flights, or buying stuff on a credit card)
    3. Those who got their seats for free, either through pure luck, or an act of kindness

    Should any of these people feel guilty? Should any of these people feel obligated to donate their miles to charity, give away their seat to someone less fortunate, or fly only on airlines that don’t offer first class upgrades (which are the only three options for avoiding “upgrade guilt” offered by the article?

    Certainly the first two categories shouldn’t feel guilty – they paid for their seats somehow, either in money or in earned miles. And I don’t think the third category should feel guilty either. They are either the beneficiary of luck, or kindness…what is there to feel guilty about?

    Therefore I say no guilt, period…but that’s just me. Well, and lots of others, as evidenced by the comments in here today! ;-)

    Are there jerks in first class who sit there feeling all smug that the lowly surfs behind them have to squeeze their ample backsides into seats built for 3-yr-olds, smirking at the surfs as they sit in their lounge chairs sipping their free (cheap) champagne while the lowly masses shuffle past them, and then glare in hatred at any of the underclass who might deign to try to use the bathroom in first class? Sure. They’re there. But that’s just human nature. Some people are just jerks. Fortunately, most of us are not…including most people who manage to get into first class.

  • GordyUK

    What a cretinous post! Sme of us save up for months or years, buy our own tickets and treat ourselves to well deserved trip in premium cabins. We don’t need sanctimonious windbags trying to add guilt to the feeling! I really hope airlines take you at your word and upgrade the elderly or armed forces so that you never have to feel this “faux” pain!

  • girlygirl

    I almost always fly coach except if I am with my older and wiser husband. He was a business traveler for years and is used to first class. When we have traveled together and purchased coach tickets, he always upgrades to first at the last minute. Sometimes it’s one of those deals where it’s an extra $100 to upgrade to first class seats near boarding time when those seats were not sold, so I feel a little less guilty. Plus, that’s a real bargain.

  • LeeAnneClark

    As the mother of a service member, allow me to say THANK YOU! :-)

  • LeeAnneClark

    “The ones who should feel guilty are the airline executives who treat
    everyone like cattle to line their own pockets with more money.”

    YES! Exactly! BAM!

  • emanon256

    One of my colleges from Canada says that his Air Canada Regional Jet trips have more leg room that main-line domestic F on United, along with video on demand and a fancy gourmet meal. He also said he gets upgraded 100% of the time. Makes me jealous, most of my regional trips have tiny coach seats where my knees hit the seat in front of me before the person even reclines and no F to get upgraded to.

    I agree, I always though that F subsidized coach. Though on the new United, F is super cheap compared to the old Untied, I think that’s why I never get upgraded. But I am not willing to spend the $700-$900 R/T for first class either, so its my fault too. Back per-merger it was $1,200-$2,000 for domestic F R/T.

  • http://www.facebook.com/judyserie.nagy Judy Serie Nagy

    I don’t feel guilty, I feel annoyed at all those people filing past smashing their stuff into my head and shoulders. Then I remember that I grew up in Miltona, Minnesota and laugh at myself. Who do I think I am? However, I have basketball-player legs and wide shoulders, so airline loyalty programs are about the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I had to sit in coach, I wouldn’t travel. And I LOVE to travel.

  • Bill___A

    This article seems to go to the two extremes. I would focus on ensuring that economy class was suitable for humans on all airlines and not worry about things to do with first class. Most of us fly economy just about all of the time and my impression is that every economy seat should have space like “United Plus”.
    As for the first class, it is sold as a premium service and at a premium, and it subsidizes the tickets for economy class., They are too overpriced and it is just gouging. Most of the people at the front of the bus are just ordinary people. Most companies won’t pay for business class upgrades, they cost too much.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alan-Gore/100000957978287 Alan Gore

    Didn’t we have recent complains that domestic first class is not really worth the price when compared to such carriers as Singapore or Emirates? It follows that hardly anyone in domestic F actually paid for it with their own money – everyone’s traveling on upgrades and awards. That being the case, why feel guilty when you yourself are upgraded?

  • bodega3

    We sell domestic first, so not everyone is there on upgrades or awards. Those are capacity controlled and if space isn’t selling, then they might increase the allotment. You can’t compare domestic first to international first class and it also depends on the type of plane.

  • http://twitter.com/flashj flash jervis

    What I feel most guilty about on an airplane is asking the person in front of me to put their seat back up because I can’t put my tray down to eat. People seem to think its OK to recline into some stranger’s lap long as they’re comfortable. I don’t know where this behavior started but I don’t think I’m trusting enough to close my eyes and put my head in someone’s personal space while they’re trying to pour a coke over ice or eat a full meal while staring at the top of my head instead of the inflight movie. Just invites tragedy doesn’t it? And yet everytime I ask politely to actually use the space the airline gives me I’m made to feel like I’m the Grinch of Air Travel.

  • Carrie Charney

    Domestic business and first class today are merely what economy class used to be. Things have degraded that much over the years. I usually fly United because they get me where I want to go with one flight out of Newark. I never flew for work and I pay for my own travel. I am gold level now, down from platinum the last few years. (Kids don’t live nearby and I do try to travel internationaIly while I can, since my retirement.) I fly plenty in coach too and will probably not be upgraded this year. I certainly don’t feel guilty, but I do feel plenty lucky when I sit up front. As for donating my miles, they go to my kids and grandkids so that they can attend family events.

  • Craig

    I am heading to Hawaii to watch my son run a marathon. I looked into train service, but couldn’t find any. I don’t think my car can make that long of a drive, so I decided to fly. I won’t be going First class, but on my way back I am upgrading to Premium Coach since the Red-eye from Hawaii is not a fun flight. The (small) upgrade is for my back and to keep peace with my wife. No guilt here.

  • Bill

    I always laugh at comments about not being able to put a tray table down. Hint – look where the hinge point of the tray table is – at the bottom of the seat, the same hinge point as the seat back. The movement of the seat back does not affect the movement of the tray – they are independent.The distance between the try and seat back gets shorter, but the distance to the person in the seat doesn’t. Nice try.

  • Tanya

    did you check into taking a boat. My only point was that travel by plane is (mostly) not necessary. You are choosing to go see your son run, which is great that you are able to afford to, added benefit that it is in Hawaii. It is still a choice.

  • Bill___A

    You’re not correct, Mr. Bill. Not on the airlines I fly, anyway.

  • Big Horn Kid

    “Upgrade,” to me, means the ticket was obtained in a transaction which involved the “payment” of “airline miles” in part, or totally. I have chosen not to participate in any airline frequent flier club. For the purpose of ethics (ie: giving-up my seat to a wounded warrior) I do NOT consider an “upgrade” to be a situation where I was holding a coach ticket, paid completely with cash, and I elected to make supplementary payment (“additional collection”) to be “upgraded” to FC.* Because flight attendant behavior sometimes involves creating an airborne police state FC, from my view, is simply better leg room, more under seat stowage, and extra room in the overhead bin. I sometimes find the “lavish” catering, and those stupid warmed nuts, to be a joke. Accordingly, I have adopted the following procedure in dealing with FAs: 1. Speak to a FA only to respond to a question. Do not initiate any conversation. 2. Respond to FA questions/comments with a. “Yes,” b. “No,” or c. “At this time I am asserting my
    right to remain silent.” 3. Refuse all food, drink and other cabin service. If your departing airport sells food on the “airside,” bring food on-board.

    * Yes, I am aware that an FA, with a bug up her tail, can “exile” me,
    against my will, into coach if I’m holding a FC ticket that was upgraded–even
    with cash–from coach. On the other hand I would be entitled to a refund of the
    amount paid for the upgrade.

  • http://www.facebook.com/CarverFarrow Carver Clark Farrow

    The discomfort in coach is caused by one and only one thing, the commoditization of the coach experience. As a result, seats are sold as cheaply as possibly.

  • y_p_w

    Service perhaps to some degree, but not the pitch and legroom. Legroom way back was only a little bit more. I remember the seats back then, and they were actually about the same size as today. A 737 is the same width today as it was in 1980 and is still 6 across.

    Even so, first class typically comes with luxury items (high end booze especially) that simply never came with coach.

  • y_p_w

    However, I’ve seen the back of a seat hit the items placed on the tray. It might also affect the ability to move items around the tray.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jim.doll1 Jim Doll

    Should be Fun on an upcoming trip I have. I have a Airtran Biz Upgrade, Exchanged some credits that were going to expire for the upgrade.
    My 16yo son is flying ‘with’ me. He does not have a upgrade so he will be in the back somewhere. Should be fun to see his reaction when I Plant myself in 2A and he back in 32B..

  • http://www.facebook.com/CarverFarrow Carver Clark Farrow

    I, and many others, pay for my first class with money, upgrades, or awards, depending on which makes the most sense on a given flight. I paid cash for my first class Christmas flight to see my relatives

  • http://www.facebook.com/CarverFarrow Carver Clark Farrow

    ditto

  • emanon256

    Good point, I have used miles to go to Hawaii with Mrs. Emanon 3 years in a row.

  • http://www.facebook.com/linda.bator Linda Bator

    1000%%%%

  • emanon256

    I agree on seat width, planed did not get any narrower. But I think the leg room used to be much more in economy than it is today, I’m talking 5 or 6 inches more.

    As far as the booze in first class, when you fly a US domestic airline, its the same stuff they serve in coach, they just poor it for you. Not like back in the day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/frank.bonham.1 Frank Bonham

    I do not understand why people are missing the point. Services is down in economy because people do not want to pay the prices they used. Americans demand cheap flights and then complain about the service. You get what you pay for. The people in premium, business and first class are paying for better services!!!

    In 1937, it cost $1710 to fly roundtrip San Francisco to Hong Kong on Pan Am. That is over $27000 in 2012 money. You can buy two first class tickets for that price today.

    Service is down because people shop based on price alone. If people were willing to pay more for service they service would be there…

  • EdB

    http://boardingarea.com/blogs/frequentlyflying/2011/06/15/vintage-airline-seat-map-united-airlines-dc-8-52/

    In the 1980s on a United Airlines DC 8, the seat pitch was 38″. Today it is 31″ I believe.

  • Extra mail

    It wouldn’t bother me in the least if the airlines did away with first class completely and made every seat the same size. I sometimes wonder if the airlines are sorry they ever put the loyalty programs into place. I’ve gotten madder at delta about their sorry award calendar than I have just about anything else (TSA ranks as my number hate and reason I fly as little as possible). But, I will have to at least defend one of the so-called entitled elite traveler. My husband has 1.5+ million miles with delta and he is one of the nicest elite travelers I know. And, no, he is not reading this post. I have seen him not only give up his seat in first class to a military person or an older traveler but I’ve also seen him help people flying with children help entertain the children while in the air and calm first time flyers during rough weather. Not all elite travelers behave as if they’re owed something.

  • y_p_w

    You need to pay for it in coach these days.

    I’ve flown first class (international) once in my life. I don’t remember all the appetizers, but I specifically asked for the Sevruga caviar, cream cheese, and crackers. We were on a flight with four people in first class, and it went all to me. The champagne choices were non-vintage Krug (a split) and vintage Dom Perignon. They also had expensive liquor including single malt Scotch and XO Cognac. The meal was total crap. No matter how hard they try, reheating a meal in a plastic tray covered with plastic always falls short.

    I’ve also been on a short haul international business class. All they had was Moët Brut Imperial. Yeah – that was roughing it.

  • Extramail

    I think it was you, LeeAnne, who said the flying public won’t/can’t pay for what the seat actually costs the airline to fly that person; therefore, the airline had to cram more bodies into the plane so that it can afford to continue flying said public. A valid point.

  • Extramail

    Don’t mean to be stupid, but what is Flyertalk?

  • TonyA_says

    But how does that explain a comfortable all economy cabin in Jet Blue with good prices. Plus B6 does not overbook, too. Looks like their commodity works for us.

  • Helio

    The people in premium, business and first class aren’t paying for better services only, they are paying for more space too.

  • Helio

    Searching at Google:

    FlyerTalk – The world’s most popular frequent flyer community
    http://www.flyertalk.com/